I opened my review of Bat Out Of Hell by referencing Meatloaf’s raunchy performance of Paradise By The Dashboard Light on The Old Grey Whistle Test in 1978. If I thought that was worthy of an 18 certificate, it was made to look like CBeebies in comparison to the action in Cruel Intentions.
It has become customary for the pre-show announcement regarding the turning off, or silencing, of mobile phones to be in keeping with what we are about to see, so I should have got the message when we were given an expletive-laden warning of the consequences of our devices ringing or pinging during the action. By the time the interval came I was thinking I might have misread the name of the musical and that it should have been Crude Intentions. Still, I had had a few laughs and the music was good. By the end of the night, however, I was a fan.
Cruel Intentions: The ’90s Musical, is based on the film by Roger Kumble concerning two rich kids in Manhattan who have nothing to occupy their minds other than pursue their hedonistic, entitled lifestyle regardless of its effect on others. As you will have gathered, this involved a lot of gratuitous sex and drugs. The two protagonists were Sebastian and Kathryn, who were step-brother and sister, left to their own devices by their parents who seemed to be permanently absent, living in a similarly self-indulgent manner. Not that I am in any way envious, of course.
Will Callan as Sebastian and Nic Myers as Kathryn
Before I continue with the synopsis I would like to make an observation about the casting. Sebastian and Kathryn are ostensibly teenagers on holiday before resuming their education at Manchester Prep, an exclusive Manhattan High School. Will Callan, as Sebastian, is just coming up to his 22nd birthday, whilst Nic Myers, Kathryn, was born in 1998. Normally, I would have put this into the Negatives column but, as with the rest of the ‘adolescent’ cast, I have classified it as a Positive. After doing some research I find that pupils graduate from high school in the USA aged 17 or 18. I can think of nothing creepier than a couple of sixteen year-olds indulging in some of the carnal practices enacted in the show, even though a few of them were played as comedic.
Sebastian is a serial womaniser more interest in quantity than quality, keeping a record of his conquests in a journal. As someone I know, once said about someone else I know, ‘I wouldn’t trust him with next door’s cat.’ It transpires that Kathryn is not much better either, in fact she is totally amoral, and open to experiences with either gender – human, not feline – then again, who knows?
Abbie Burden as Annette
The crux of the plot is a reworking of one seen many times before, and is based on the 1782 novel, Les Liaisons Dangereuses, by Pierre Choderlos de Laclos, in which a man takes a wager that he can seduce a particular woman who seems incorruptible. In this case it is Kathryn who bets Sebastian that he can’t bed the virginal Cecile, who she has been asked to take under her wing by Bunny, Cecile’s mother. Sebastian says that that would be too easy and instead they pick on Annette, the staid daughter of the new headteacher. Should he lose, Kathryn gets his vintage Jaguar but if he is successful he gets to have step-incest with Kathryn, the one girl who has shunned all of his advances. His task is made more difficult by letters which Annette has received, warning her of Sebastian’s track record.
Sebastian has a word with his friend, Blaine as to who the author might be. He replies that he thinks it might be Greg, the football star and closet gay, with whom he, an out and proud gay, is having a secret affair. This leads to the obvious gridiron jokes about tight ends and wide receivers. It is probably as well that the Tush Push and Brotherly Shove had not entered the NFL lexicon until after the musical was written. The two friends plan a honey trap during which Sebastian will photograph Blaine and Greg in flagrante delicto and blackmail the latter into revealing the author of the letters. Greg denies responsibility but says he will ask Annette for the information.
Nic Myers as Kathryn, giving lessons in the ancient sport of tongue wrestling to Cecile, played by Lucy Carter
Meanwhile, Kathryn has taken it upon herself to rob Cecile of her innocence and teaches her to kiss whilst they are at a picnic. She realises that Cecile has a thing for her cello teacher, Ronald, who is black, so she informs Bunny who gives him his marching orders. Sebastian is roped into multi-tasking – you see, men can do it – by Kathryn who asks him to seduce Cecile, which he does. If Kathryn taught her what it was like to be kissed on the lips, Sebastian furthered her education by moving the snog three feet south, leading up to the main event.
Ronald – Kevin Yates, showing his unorthodox cello-teaching technique to Cecile – Lucy Carter
Sebastian gets back to his main task of seducing Annette, whilst Kathryn satisfies the needs of the, now newly single, Ronald. The problem is that Sebastian is falling in love with Annette and finds it impossible to have trophy sex with her, the result of this is that she packs and leaves, only to be tracked down by Sebastian as she is about to board a train at Penn Station. They pledge their love for each other and, miraculously, his potency is restored.
When he returns home Sebastian finds Kathryn in bed with Ronald, who leaves, and she says that he is only fooling himself about being in love with Annette, as people can’t change and he will destroy both their reputations. Not a bad thing I would have thought. He goes back to Annette and tells her that he doesn’t really love her and explains about the bet. He then returns and tries to seduce Kathryn, claiming to have won the bet and returned to type, but she insists that she has won by making him ashamed of falling in love. Sebastian storms out with his journal and Kathryn rings Ronald to say that Sebastian has hit her and also had sex with Cecile.
Kevin Yates as Ronald, getting his P45 from Bunny – Gabriella Williams. Fortunately he seems to have another string to his bow.
Sebastian meets up with Annette and, again, tells her he was mistaken and really does love her, giving her his journal. Ronald arrives on the scene and a fight ensues during which Sebastian is killed, Annette holding him as he dies. She then goes to meet Cecile and gives her the journal, which she copies and hands out at the funeral, upstaging the eulogy given by Kathryn.
The show ends with Blaine and Greg, who has now come out, holding hands, and the mourners being visited by Sebastian’s ghost.
Joe Simmons, as the running back, Greg, running back to Luke Conner Hall, as Blaine.
All of the above is really a vehicle on which to deliver a compendium of hits from the 1990s, with pieces from Ricky Martin, The Spice Girls, REM, The Cardigans, and many others. Although it was basically a juke box musical, they all blended into the story, rather than being gratuitously thrown in at random. A lot of the numbers eliciting laughs from the audience in the way that the first lines interacted with the dialogue.
As previously stated, the cast looked suspiciously old for high school kids, although at the end, when they were in school uniform at the funeral, the years did seem to drop off a lot of them, especially Nic Myers, who shed at least a dozen. I’ll have whatever she’s on. Another thing which struck me was that they were all English, their American accents being extremely convincing throughout.
The acting style stuck to the current template, whereby the first quarter hour or so comprised dialogue being delivered at break-neck speed to set the scene, after which it settled down somewhat. Everything was very tight and extremely professional, especially the fight scenes, where I could have sworn that the punches were really landing.
The singing was brilliant, apart from the first duet between the two leads, which highlighted the contrast in their registers and jarred a little. The dancing ranged between energetic, slow and silly, although each had a sexual undertone, or even overtone. The music was provided by a five-piece band who managed to produce an impressive range of styles sounding as though there was double that number. Unfortunately we, the audience, were not given the opportunity to take advantage of their instrumental prowess, as, strangely for a juke box musical, there was no closing medley to enable us to show off our terpsichorean moves.
The cast in school uniform, except for the ghost of Sebastian and Bunny.
This is probably an age thing, as is everything to a man of my advancing years, but I would have thought that the guidance trigger of 15+ was a little low for some of the scenes, but then the world has changed significantly since I was in my mid teens.
Once again, I left the Leeds Grand Theatre in a lot better frame of mind than when I entered, so I heartily recommend this musical to you, so long as you are broad minded and mentally alert enough to keep up with the shenanigans.
Cruel Intentions is at Leeds Grand Theatre until Saturday, 10th May, so, for tickets, please go to https://leedsheritagetheatres.com/whats-on/cruel-intentions-2025/
To see what else Heritage Theatres has in the pipeline, it is https://leedsheritagetheatres.com/whats-on/
Should you not be able to make this stop on the tour, you can find the remaining venues at https://www.kenwright.com/productions/cruel-intentions-2025-tour/ where you will also see a full list of cast and creatives.
Feature image from Leeds Heritage Theatres. Photographs by Pamela Raith Photography
Tyke It To The Limit 